where is Spirit

The hardest part is sitting with myself. I think there's a sense of fear about who I am. Some of my habits, qualities, emotions, desires make me feel unworthy. I find myself so resistant to sit with these pieces of myself that I have judgment about. I really don't like how I get swept away by one particular boy at a given moment. I feel terrified by this tendency of mine.
According to Deepak Chopra it is evidence that I am longing for Spirit. But it still scares me because of this feeling of desperation and relentless clinging. I see a guy whose qualities strike the root of my soul (thankfully this is a rare experience) and because he reaches something in me that profoundly quenches my longing I experience a rush that is a beautiful moment of pure bliss! It feels like I've found the guy I've always wanted--and he becomes the only man I can ever imagine. I attach so deeply but also fearfully because it feels like he could be the one who can save me. Then, without fail, and usually quite quickly after the bliss moment, I lose him. I lose him.
It's as if I saw something I've always searched for, but then when I reach out to touch it I discover it's only a mirage and my fingers move right through it. And I know I'm not in Love with him, but rather with how he makes me feel--he quenches the longing of my soul. But when just as suddenly I realize he is gone and that bliss is not something I can hold onto, my heart shatters and stays this way. I am so utterly uncomfortable in this state. I start to believe that he is the only person who matters. I am either disturbingly aware of my feelings or I sink into this depressed state where I start to believe that nothing matters outside of him. That I don't matter.
But I just had an insight--if, according to Chopra, my experience of bliss because of a guy is actually about my longing for Spirit, for Spirit here on earth, and the guy is the medium through which I experience this, it is because I am witnessing Spirit in him. And it ignites a passion in me that I assume is dependent on the guy. But if it's Spirit I'm experiencing in this guy who I have absolutely no way of holding onto (ouch!), then I don't actually need the guy to be in mindfulness of Spirit because I have this opportunity in my own presence with myself. The bliss I witness through a guy is attainable in the solitude of my own soul.